My goodness, this has been a full day of missing Europe and wishing I had the freedom of six months ago.

Just the act of sitting here typing in the WordPress window, uploading pictures (screenshots these days, nothing exciting like when I was in England), feels like I’m there again, like I’m…well, quite frankly, not here.

It’s worrisome, actually, how noncommittal I am to things, people, places. Especially places. I’m never really happy where I am – I need to move. And yet, when I’m moving, I want to stand still. Change. I need change. #Obama?

Lol I got these emails from Hostelworld recently…

“The world is your oyster.”

“It’s been 6 months since your last trip”.

That orange button is just sitting there taunting me, lol…I feel like I didn’t take advantage of my time abroad well enough. I feel like I should have gone to more places. I don’t regret not making more friends, but I do regret not taking a random weekend to go to Paris instead of building it into the last long haul. I regret not making it to Germany or Portugal. Not getting to go to all the places I wanted to, for as long as I wanted to.

Now that I’m back (and among friends), it’s easy to say that I would do it all over again, without the company, and not feel lonely. But the truth of the matter is, once I’m on the road again, I know I will. Except this time it would be different.

I wish I was actually able to just appreciate the here and now. And while I do appreciate the people who are with me here and now, I can’t really say the same about the places I am. If I’m in England, I wish I was back home. If I’m back home, I wish I was in Boston, and when I’m in Boston, I wish I was out exploring again.

Maybe, if I work hard enough, one day I’ll be able to decide that I want to go to Amsterdam one weekend and just go.

Just go, with no ifs or buts. Whether it’s by myself or with a good friend.

It’s hard to remember just why I was so into the whole company thing when I’m surrounded by it now. Just like how it was difficult to see why traveling as much as possible was a priority when I seemed to have all the time in the world back then.

Issues, man.

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