I’ve made deadlines again and again – I’m going to finish up this blog by the end of summer. By the end of this month or that. By the end of the semester. By the end of the year. By January 4th, so that it’ll be one whole year. And as the time has gone by, so have all my deadlines. I love this blog. It’s one of the proudest projects I’ve ever done for myself, if not the. I’ve required nearly no motivation to do this…up until Venice.

I don’t know if it’s because I had Allen there with me to experience it – maybe I feel like I don’t need to record it as carefully (or at all, apparently) if someone else would remember just as well as I, if not better? Perhaps (and this is what I’m convinced it is) I’m just afraid of finishing it up, because once I hit submit on that last post (quite a bit down the drafts list, I’ll admit), it’s all over. I mean, I know, deep down, that it’s been over, it’s been over for months. When it ended I rejoiced – I was ready to go back home. But I’ve been ready to head right back out since…since, well, two weeks after I ended up back in Parsippany, back in the land of green bills and greener traffic signs.

This blog has done me proud. There have been so many of these, started and abandoned. Blogs with names of “London 2012!” with only one post – First night in England!!! I’m proud that I’ve managed to keep it up to date for so long when I was there, that I was able to write down not only what happened but my thoughts as well. Valentine’s Day just passed and I completely forgot what I was doing Valentine’s Day last year…so I looked it up. And I remembered. And it was glorious. I wish I had the time and the patience to do this with the rest of my life, lol. But as it were, I’m happy that I managed just a semester abroad, the most important.

There is just that one great regret hanging over my head about that period. Those of you who know what it is…will know what it is. 20 years down the road, I will still remember what it is. I knew I’d regret it but I just…Nothing I can do about it now, I suppose. Better just move on.

In any case. I want to finish this. I do. I’m afraid of losing even more memories as the time wears on. But I’m just…in a rut. I just don’t want it to end. Maybe, I think, if I never write myself out of Venice, I will never actually be out of Venice. Maybe, if I keep this hanging over my head, I don’t have to close that chapter in my book. But I do, because every one does. And I just need to settle down, do what I need to do, and move on.

This will help.

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